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When Agreement Isn’t the Same as Engagement
When Agreement Isn’t the Same as Engagement I’ve been thinking about clients who agree with everything I say, and how easy it is for me to experience that as engagement. And sometimes, of course, it is. Sometimes I say something and the client says, “Yes, that’s exactly it,” and I can feel that something has…
Knowing Attachment Theory Is Not the Same as Using It
Knowing Attachment Theory Is Not the Same as Using It I’ve been thinking about the difference between knowing attachment theory and actually using it in the therapy room. Because I think a lot of us know the basic ideas. We know early relationships matter. We know clients can move towards closeness, pull away from it,…
The Truth About Avoidant Attachment: Why Distance Doesn’t Mean Disinterest
The Truth About Avoidant Attachment: Why Distance Doesn’t Mean Disinterest One of the most common misconceptions about avoidantly attached individuals is that they are emotionally detached and uninterested in connection. This assumption can lead to frustration, misunderstandings, and even a communication breakdown. We see this frequently in couples therapy. The Myth: Avoidant Clients Are Emotionally…
When the Inner Child Hijacks the Session
(And How Not to Panic) There are moments in therapy when something shifts suddenly. A client who was reflective becomes overwhelmed. Tears escalate quickly.Words disappear.The room feels tighter, louder, more urgent. And inside the therapist, a familiar response can arise: I’ve lost them.This is too much.I need to do something – now. This is often…
Myth: Attachment-based therapy is too abstract to apply to real-world problems. The truth: Neuroscience helps therapists turn attachment concepts
Attachment-Based Therapy Isn’t “Too Abstract”—Here’s How Neuroscience Makes It Practical If you’ve ever dismissed attachment-based therapy as too abstract or “theoretical,” you’re not alone. It’s easy to feel that way when terms like secure attachment, internal working models, or attachment styles are thrown around in ways that sound more academic than actionable. But here’s the…
This is just how I’ve always reacted
It’s a common phrase in therapy—but it’s not the truth. Stress responses aren’t fixed traits. They’re learned patterns shaped by early attachment—and they can be rewired through relational healing
