“I’m Fine”: Working with Dismissing Attachment in the Therapy Room

“I’m Fine”: Working with Dismissing Attachment in the Therapy Room is a 4-hour live online professional development workshop for counsellors, psychotherapists, psychologists and mental health practitioners. The workshop explores dismissing and avoidant attachment strategies, including self-sufficiency, emotional distance, minimisation, shame, difficulty with dependency and fear of vulnerability or intrusion. Participants consider how these strategies may appear in therapy, including narrative style, transference, countertransference and resistance to emotional closeness. The training focuses on building trust without forcing intimacy and supporting greater emotional awareness, mentalisation, self-compassion and earned security. It is delivered by Optima Attachment Training and provides 5 ACA OPD points.

“I’m Fine”: Working with Dismissing Attachment in the Therapy Room

Some clients seem remarkably self-contained.

They cope.

They get on with things.

They may talk intelligently about their difficulties, understand the theory, turn up reliably and assure us that their childhood was fine.

And yet something can feel strangely difficult to reach.

There may be very little emotion in the room. Important relationships are described briefly. Pain is minimised. Help can feel unnecessary, intrusive or even faintly embarrassing.

Sometimes the message is simply:

“I’m fine.”

In therapy, dismissing strategies can be surprisingly easy to miss.

A client may downplay relational difficulties, offer little detail about childhood, idealise caregivers, speak fluently while saying very little about their emotional experience, or appear psychologically minded while remaining at a safe intellectual distance from themselves.

They may also be the client who causes us the least concern.

They don’t demand much.

They don’t email between sessions.

They may appear unaffected by breaks.

They can become easy to overlook.

And that makes the therapist’s response an important part of the work.

We will consider how these responses may give us useful information about the relational world being created between us.

Throughout the workshop, we will resist turning attachment into another way of categorising people.

The clinical question becomes less:

“Is this person avoidant?”

and more:

“What is distance protecting here –  and how can I make it safe enough for something different to become possible?”

What the workshop will explore

• dismissing attachment as an adaptive protective strategy
• the relationship between emotional distance, independence and vulnerability
• how shame and fear of intrusion may sit underneath apparent self-sufficiency
• how dismissing strategies can shape the client’s narrative and presentation
• transference and countertransference with dismissing clients
• building trust without forcing intimacy
• supporting emotional awareness, mourning and self-compassion
• mentalisation and developing a more coherent relationship with the internal world
• the therapist’s own attachment strategies and how these can affect the work
• earned security and the possibility of change

Who is this workshop for?

This workshop is designed for counsellors, psychotherapists, psychologists and other mental health practitioners who want to feel more confident working with clients who keep emotion, dependency or closeness at a distance.

It may be particularly useful if you recognise clients who:

say that everything was “fine” but struggle to give examples; minimise painful experiences; find it difficult to ask for or accept help; appear highly independent; intellectualise emotion; keep therapy practical or solution-focused; find closeness intrusive; or seem unaffected by separations and endings.

It is also an opportunity to think about our own responses.  Because sometimes the clue is not only what the client says.

Training details

Format: Live online
Duration: 4 hours
ACA OPD: 5 points
Provider: Optima Attachment Training

What is dismissing attachment?

Dismissing attachment describes a pattern in which independence, emotional distance and minimisation of attachment needs may become important ways of maintaining safety. The workshop treats these as adaptive strategies rather than fixed personality traits.

Is dismissing attachment the same as avoidant attachment?

The terms are related but are not completely interchangeable. In the workshop, avoidant attachment is used particularly in relation to earlier attachment strategies, while dismissing describes how similar strategies may appear in adult attachment and relationships. The material itself describes clients as having an avoidant attachment history and a dismissing adult presentation. Attachment-in-the-Therapy-Room …

What might dismissing attachment look like in therapy?

A client may minimise difficulties, provide little emotional detail, idealise childhood relationships, prefer practical solutions, intellectualise feelings or keep the therapeutic relationship at a distance. These are clues to explore, rather than proof of a particular attachment category.

Should therapists encourage avoidant clients to be more vulnerable?

Not necessarily. Moving towards emotional intimacy too quickly can feel intrusive or shaming. The workshop explores how therapists can build safety and trust first, allowing greater emotional contact to emerge gradually.

Why can dismissing clients be difficult to recognise?

They may appear competent, independent and relatively undemanding. They can become the client who seems to be “no trouble”, which may mean both their vulnerability and the therapist’s response to it are easier to overlook.

Does this workshop teach therapists to diagnose attachment styles?

No. The emphasis is on recognising attachment strategies and defences, remaining curious about their function and understanding the individual client rather than assigning them to a rigid attachment category. Attachment-in-the-Therapy-Room …

Does the workshop consider the therapist’s own attachment pattern?

Yes. The training considers how a therapist’s own dismissing or avoidant strategies may influence intimacy, breaks, endings, countertransference and work with clients who have different attachment needs. Attachment-in-the-Therapy-Room …

Is the workshop live online?

Yes. It is a 4-hour live online workshop.

Does the workshop provide ACA OPD points?

Yes. The workshop provides 5 ACA OPD points.